Dear Angel Baby – A Letter on Your Due Date
Our baby’s due date is coming up – but no baby will be born. On Monday, November 30th we won’t be bringing our baby home. Losing a child, no matter how long they were carried, no matter their age is hard. And it’s more than just losing the baby, it’s losing the memories. It’s losing the chance to get to hold them, to put them to sleep, or watch them grow up. You lose the entire life you envisioned with them. You lose everything.
November 30th would’ve been the day I gave birth to our little one, but they were sent to Heaven in May. As I sit here and write this in preparation for that day, I think about all the love I have for my dear baby. I think about all the mothers who miss their little ones, I think of the mothers who long to have the chance to experience the greatest miracle of life. If you are a mother who has experienced loss, is going through a loss, or has experienced any part of infertility I hope you can find peace and comfort.
For me, writing about our little baby W has helped so much, so I decided to write them a letter.
1 Samuel 1:27-28 “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”
November 30, 2020
Oh, sweet baby W, today was your day. Today was our day. The day you would have made me a mama and Zach a dad. Today is the day we should be bringing you home safe in our arms.
Do you know that we still miss you? I know that we barely knew you, we didn’t even know if you were a boy or girl or the color of your eyes. But we miss you.
We will so dearly miss being awoken by your cries in the middle of the night, being able to see your sweet little smile, and hear your little laugh.
I would have loved to see Zach hold you and look down at you with all the love in the world. And although he would be scared, he would have been so excited. He probably would have never put you down.
I want you to know that I will always wonder who you would have become. What you would have looked and acted like. I will always wonder what our lives would look like with you in them. I know that God has a purpose for you and me. I know He didn’t bring you into our lives and take you away for nothing. You made us parents and we loved you from the moment we saw those two pink lines. Although we won’t hold you in our arms until we meet in Heaven, you will always be in our hearts.
I can’t wait until we are all reunited again someday. I know I wish I could hold you now, but it’ll be so wonderful when we get to. Know that your mama and dad love you forever and always.
And someday, we will meet you and hold you so tight. Until then I know you are safe in God’s loving arms.
With all my love,
Your mama
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