Our Journey Through the 1st Trimester (Part 2)
The many emotions of a pregnant mama.
Pregnancy is hard emotionally, physically, and mentally whether this is your first or maybe a little more if you’ve experienced loss.
These aren’t feelings we should be ashamed of either. There is literally so much happening in our bodies to create new life and very little that we can do or control.
I’ve been told it’ll get easier. The anxiety and fears will subside but I’m still waiting. I’m still waiting for the day where I don’t shine a light to make sure there’s no blood when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I’m still waiting for the day where every ache and pain doesn’t send me into a panic wanting to message my doctor.
I do think this will get better once I can feel him move, I do. Until then I just pray for God’s peace every time I have these thoughts. I am so very excited for this baby – but I would be a liar if I said it doesn’t come in waves. It’s hard to allow myself to be excited when I am constantly battling thoughts of all that could go wrong. Even though I’ve made it out of the first trimester and the “riskier” time is over, I know we still have a long road ahead. Expecting a baby is hard, and after a loss it’s very hard. It’s different. I’ve been guarding my heart for the worst-case scenario but I’m hopeful that this will pass.
**This is a continuation post from last week which I’ve linked here.**
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I can honestly say that I’m still in disbelief that we’re having a sweet baby boy in September. I wish I could say that this has been a time full of only joy, hope, and excitement but I can’t. When we first found out we were expecting I was a wreck. I immediately messaged my OB to get in for blood work for confirmation, but it didn’t really help with my anxiety. Last May when we found out we had lost our first baby I was supposed to be 11 weeks along, but he or she was only measuring at 6 weeks 4 days. So as you can imagine the wait between blood work confirmation and our first ultrasound at 6 weeks 2 days was excruciating. I was so nervous, and I would often break down and cry out of fear. There was one particular night where I was so upset with myself that I decided I needed to get back to trusting God. I was so mad that I was wasting these precious days of being pregnant and carrying our baby by filling them with anxious thoughts. I prayed for peace, comfort, and for God to wrap me in His presence. It’s not easy to get rid of the fears, doubts, and worries that accompany any pregnancy let alone one after loss. I just had to make the conscious effort every day to stop those thoughts and know that God was protecting our sweet baby.
There are definitely days when I let me thoughts get carried away especially now that my symptoms are starting to lessen. But in the early days of my 1st trimester I welcomed the intense nausea and fatigue because it gave me a sense of connection to our baby. There were a few days when the nausea would lessen, and I would start to let myself panic and honestly, I would pray that God would bring it back (silly, I know). There’s no wrong way to feel during your first trimester. Creating life is hard for anyone so give yourself some grace if you find yourself anxious or fearful. Before I move onto how I felt and what I did to try and combat my symptoms I want to say if you ever need to vent or talk about how you’re feeling during your pregnancy please contact me! I would love to chat!
This pregnancy was SO different than my first. During my first one I had no nausea, and my appetite was good the entire time. I was fatigued but overall nothing crazy. But this time look out y’all haha I mean I know people have absolutely had it worse than me, but it was no cake walk. It first started around week 4 and I was so nauseous all day long that I just wouldn’t eat. I lost 4 pounds during this time and it was a miracle if I ate even crackers all day. Eventually I was able to get a little more food down, but it would be the most random (and not healthy) things. I would eat all the carbs and pretty much nothing else. I luckily never actually got sick (praise) but the constant nausea was a drag. I even had difficulty drinking water and brushing my teeth!
The things I found most helpful during this time of super strong nausea were the following:
· Plain saltine crackers
· Cheese
· Plain cheerios
· Blue corn tortilla chips
· Waffles with butter
· Bread with butter
Honestly, I know that list isn’t long, but it was the few things I would be able to eat. I would take the vitamin B6 in the morning and evening before bed. As for the fatigue, I’m not drinking caffeine so coffee hasn’t been an option for me. I would just lay down any chance I could get even if it was for just 10 minutes. If I had a break at work, I would set a timer and try to rest my eyes as long as I could. Getting active also helped with the fatigue. I know for most working out is just not an option during T1 but I swear if you can do even 15 minutes of something a day you’ll notice the difference. Luckily for me I have been able to get a 30-40 minute workout in every morning throughout this entire pregnancy and I don’t plan to stop. I seem to have just enough energy to get through it and then I would need a pre-work nap haha
I’ve made a point to not take any extra medications during this pregnancy no matter what. So when I have a hard time sleeping I don’t take Benadryl or Unisom but instead I use BINTO Glow Down. BINTO's calming magnesium drink mix helps with sleep aid, to relax muscles, calm nerves, and is obviously pregnancy safe! Check it out by clicking the picture here and use promo code FITWITHFAITH for a discount!
Back to my eating. I previously put a lot of pride into how clean Zach and I ate. Last February we switched to an 80% plant based diet and it really made a huge difference in how I felt on a daily basis. And prior to this pregnancy I always thought I would continue my clean eating routine without difficulty to ensure both me and baby W were as healthy as possible. HA! Wow was a crazy wrong, I mean I wish I could say you can combat cravings and move past them but that’s just not true. I have gotten better as we have crept into our 2nd trimester but the 1st trimester was a crap shoot! For example I haven’t ate fast food (McDonalds or Taco Bell) in a very long time, definitely over 15 years for McDonalds and there was one week where I just couldn’t get it out of my brain, so I finally caved and went (it was AMAZING in the moment…didn’t make me feel too great afterwards though). My trips to Taco Bell and McDonalds have for sure been my worst eating moments so far but there’s been a lot of other junk food binges along the way. Mainly chips, dips, the occasional cookie/ice cream, and mac & cheese. I’ve learned to embrace these food choices and know that as long as it’s not a daily and every meal habit that baby W is still getting the nutrients he needs.
I’ve had to give myself a lot of grace and I know this will have to continue over the next 5 months. Grace to embrace this new growing belly that at times just looks flabby and not pregnant. Grace to eat whatever sounds/tastes good and may not necessarily be the healthiest. Grace to take rests when needed. I know this next 5 months will be more of the same, learning how to adapt to this new body and life and I’m so up for it.
Next week I’ll be covering 1st trimester safe exercises so be sure to check that out!!
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